International Men’s Day – what are we celebrating?
Today is International Men’s Day. Are you celebrating? And if so, how?
Well, what exactly are we celebrating? Is it “men”, just as they are? “Men” in opposition to women, who already have their International Women’s Day on 8 March? “Men” embracing new ways to be men?
It’s hard to tell because the politics of International Men’s Day (IMD) are somewhat murkier than those of International Women’s Day. That day’s origins are decidedly political, linking women’s struggles with the labour movement and a larger socialist movement. Globally, it’s a day to celebrate women’s achievement and renew the struggle for equal rights around the world (except in the US where its political roots have been obscured and the day is barely noticed at all).
But what about International Men’s Day? Is this some form of political tit-for-tat: since they have their day, we men need ours? Really? After all, International Women’s Day acknowledges women’s exclusion and asks for a greater commitment to gender equality. From that perspective, we actually have International Men’s Day the other 364 days of the year. Here in the US, February is Black History Month. Do we need a separate White History Month – or don’t the other 11 months suffice?
And yet there is one strain of IMD celebrants who claim just that. Men’s rights activists assert that IMD should be a day devoted to recognising the various ways men are oppressed.
The origins of IMD are better-intentioned, but confused – and confusing. Begun originally in Trinidad and Tobago in 1999, today more than 60 countries proclaim its objectives of improving men’s lives, which, organisers tell us, is about focusing on men’s health issues, boys’ development, family activities, and promoting greater gender equality. (Interestingly, this last commitment to promoting gender equality has increased over the past few years, perhaps as an official response to the efforts of the men’s rights groups to hijack the day.)
I think the title of International Men’s Day is so laden with the possibility for such confusion – is it for or against gender equality? Inspired by feminism or opposed to it? – that it is a too much of a political minefield to be navigated easily. Maybe it needs to be rethought.
I have a proposal for an annual event that might accomplish the same things more clearly. Want to improve men’s lives and health, engage boys, and promote equality? Here’s how: For decades, the Ms Foundation in the United States has sponsored what was called Take Our Daughters to Work Day. The idea was to demystify the workplace for girls, so that they could envision their lives as workers. Parents (both mothers and fathers) would bring their daughters to their workplaces, where activities were often organised. And corporations would line up to sponsor and support these efforts.
Complaints followed that this was unnecessarily excluding boys, who felt left out of the day’s events. So the day is now Take our Daughters and Sons to Work Day.
OK, but does the workplace have to be “demystified” for boys? Do they really need encouragement and support to envision their future lives in careers?
Perhaps we can replace International Men’s Day with something slightly different – and tailored especially for men and boys. A friend proposed calling it International Son Day. On one Sunday, every year, fathers can invite their sons into their own homes, so that they can learn how to clean, cook, vacuum, do laundry and childcare – skills that these boys will inevitably need. Just as we demystify the workplace for girls, let’s demystify the home for boys, so that they can grow up into the men that they say they want to be: autonomous and capable of living on their own, and also involved family men, in egalitarian marriages and relationships, active and energetically engaged fathers, who use their domestic skills.
I know what you’re thinking: “Who is going to teach the fathers how to do those things?” Point taken. I’m certain that there are shelves of books and thousands of websites for the DIY kind of guy to learn such skills. What a potential father-son bonding moment – both learning how to do the basic household tasks that grown-ups need to know how to do. All hail Ironing John!
I realise that International Son Day, thus conceived, might exclude the fatherless or the son-less among us. But I’m sure we can find some community activities that men can engage in to promote greater equality at home and at work. Organise a toy drive for children whose mothers are in shelters for battered women. Cook and serve food for the homeless.
Perhaps not. Perhaps too ambitious. Still, without the explicit focus of IMD to engage men to further support gender equality, at home and at work, the day feels too reactive, too amorphous, too ripe for innocent misinterpretation or deliberate manipulation. I think I’ll sit it out.
On second thoughts, I’ll wait for my 15-year-old son to come home from school. I have a great lasagne recipe we can cook together.
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