Monday, April 16, 2018

‘So did the world explode another insane week in the Trump era.


The office of President Trump’s personal attorney was raided by the FBI. Mark Zuckerberg testified on Capitol Hill sitting on what appeared to be a booster seat. Republican House Speaker Paul D. Ryan announced he would not seek reelection. In Philadelphia, Bill Cosby, formerly one of America’s biggest stars, was again on trial for sexual assault, which should’ve been a huge story except that everything these days is huge.
  President Trump, to White House reporters: We’re going to make a decision on all of that, in particular Syria, we’ll be making that decision very quickly, probably by the end of today.
   TUESDAY
The afternoon starts with the White House press secretary briefly addressing the president’s threat to bomb Syria.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, in the daily press briefing: I’m not going to get ahead of anything the president may or may not do in response to what’s taken place in Syria.
  But the news is overshadowed by Senate testimony of Mark Zuckerberg regarding Cambridge Analytica’s data mining of 87 million users. As journalists await the Facebook CEO’s arrival, a photographer notices Zuckerberg’s chair is equipped with an additional extra-thick cushion.
   Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah), to Zuckerberg at the hearing: “How do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your service?”
Mark Zuckerberg: “Senator, we run ads.”
Meanwhile, after unleashing a Twitter tirade referring to the Cohen matter as a “Witch Hunt,” Trump welcomes the 2017 national champion University of Alabama football team to the White House.
  WEDNESDAY
The day starts with President Trump again announcing — this time on Twitter at 5:57 a.m. — that he may bomb Syria soon.
Trump, via Twitter: Russia vows to shoot down any and all missiles fired at Syria. Get ready Russia, because they will be coming, nice and new and “smart!”
But that news is quickly overshadowed by the announcement that House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) will not seek reelection.
  Ryan, in his public statement: What I realize is if I am here for one more term, my kids will only have ever known me as a weekend dad. I just can’t let that happen.
  THURSDAY
The day starts with President Trump again announcing — this time on Twitter at 5:15 a.m. — that he may not bomb Syria after all.
Trump, via Twitter: Never said when an attack on Syria would take place. Could be very soon or not so soon at all!
  Comey, in “A Higher Loyalty”: He strongly denied the allegations, asking — rhetorically, I assumed — whether he seemed like a guy who needed the service of prostitutes. [He said,] “I’m a germaphobe. There’s no way I would let people pee on each other around me. No way.”
  FRIDAY
The day starts with President Trump ignoring Syria to instead tweet about Comey.
Trump, via Twitter: He is a weak and untruthful slime ball who was, as time has proven, a terrible Director of the FBI.
But the news is quickly overshadowed by the president’s pardoning of “Scooter” Libby, former vice president Richard B. Cheney’s erstwhile chief of staff, convicted in 2007 of perjury and obstruction of justice related to the leaking of a CIA agent’s identity.
  Trump, via a statement: I don’t know Mr. Libby, but for years I have heard that he has been treated unfairly. Hopefully, this full pardon will help rectify a very sad portion of his life.
  Trump, via Twitter on Saturday morning: A perfectly executed strike last night. Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine Military. Could not have had a better result. Mission Accomplished!
  Thus did the nation head into another weekend, steeling ourselves to do it all over again on Monday.


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